Missing someone who you can never have in your life again is the one of the worst things in life.

It leaves you with this terrible empty feeling and you can never move past it.

You’re always lonely no matter how many people you surround yourself with, because you know that you can never share anything with them again.

You can’t share your success, your happiness, your failures or your sadness.

And no one can replace that person. Not a single person.

Sure, you can find someone similar, but it will never be them that makes you feel ok no matter what.

And you always feel guilty for missing them.

I want a relationship again.

And not because it’s almost christmas.

But because I’m finally happy in my life and I feel like I’m in a place where a relationship won’t be my entire life any more.

And besides, i want movie nights with blankets, and nights out with passionate kisses and dancing.

Staying in with my friends, and kissing randoms (or worse, people i work with) when i’m in town just isn’t doing it for me any more.

So i’ve agreed to work 8 days straight, with one day off before another full week at work. And why? so i can have a saturday off for a change. Because someone wanted to see me on saturday and they can’t get weekdays off. So i tell them that i’ve managed it, do they care. do they fuck.

i’m going to knacker myself for this one person and they dont care in the slightest. well fuck you i’m going to my sisters instead.

I wish guys would stop asking for me to send dirty photos to them. Idc if they see whats already on the internet because my face isnt on them, and im having my chest tattoo removed. but no way am i sending anything with my face on, i want a career in corporate law, and that would seriously harm that if anyone ever used it against me. Srsly guys, i know im dead sxc but you aint getting to see shit.

I gave my mum well over half my wages this month, plus took her out and bought her things, and now shes whinging I havent given her enough. Sorry but I have my own bills to pay for and its nice to actually reward myself for the 60 hour weeks I do. Maybe if you didnt buy loads of wine and chocolate and other shit you dont need youd have some money left.

:(

trying my absolute hardest to eat less than 1200 calories a day. managing it so far, but i literally feel as though ive never eaten, my stomach won’t stop growling!

Need to start going to the gym more regularly, too. Its so hard to find time!

It’ll be worth it when im at my goal weight and i can wear hot pants again!

I bet if you found a lump or were always sick youd be scared that you were gonna die. So stfu. Seriously. Or i’ll make sure you die myself.

Really need to see the doctor because I woke up with bright red, itchy and sore eyes. So I took the day off. But apparently I cant get an appointment till tomorrow. And I cant afford to take two days off.
They really need to get more than one doctor in the surgery.
Id still hate them though, everytime ive asked for a referral I never get one. Oh wait, I had one for depression. That I had to wait almost 3 years for.
I dont even dare tell them I need more painkillers for my back, because I wont get them.
And as for this headache ive had over 6 weeks I dont even see the point in mentioning, last time I had a headache this long they just gave me some stupid paracetamol.

UUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

Bitch the mood im in I will tear your face off.

I hate wanting someone i shouldn’t. But he’s all i dream of. And I just want to build forts with him and act like kids, and watch films, and play games with.

I’m desperately trying to work up the courage to tell him how I feel. And he’s telling me about other girls he’s sleeping with.

Great.

I don’t feel particularly good about myself as it is. That just makes me feel worse.

It’s not even that I care he’s sleeping around. We’re not even close to getting together. But I still don’t want to know. Especially as I’m nowhere near ready to sleep with someone. And from the type of person he is, why would he give up being able to sleep with as many girls as he wants, for me?

If you’re reading this -

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING MIND FUCK.

Ughhhhhhh, Why oh why do you keep popping up in my dreams. I cant even stand you.